It’s the time of the year again when you look back on the past year and look forward to the next year. 2008 hasn’t been exactly gd either, so won’t be missing it much actually. may 2009 be better!
okay let me rattle off whatever comes to mind. actually, i just need someone to pour my troubles out to but there’s no such person available. so it goes here 
First up, the thing that has been troubling me the most. Looks like i’m a bit overconfident of myself. which is nothing new, always the case actually. i would say my self-confidence has been a major part of what made me who i am today. it shaped my character in many a way. but then, ya, a girl can bring it all down.
So MAYBE i thought too highly of myself, which i realise has been working against me all the while. i said maybe because i’m not certain yet. and ya i don’t want to, or rather dare not confirm my thinking. still holding out for tt little hope u see. poof! it’ll be extinguished soon i guess. but at least it’ll keep me somewht happier giving myself a chance for as long as i can.
Okay this first part is going to be long. well i really needed someone to ask me abt it. which See Wah you did, so congrats about it and thank alot for asking yday. but maybe why i can’t talk to you about it is cause i don’t want you to be caught in the middle. you still have two gd friends, no worries for you
And I don’t think i’m gonna try to add/drop my classes already. there’s only one reason why i’ll do it, and of course it’s not about the lesson timing. i’ve lost the reason to change my classes, and i think being in the same class as u will make things awkward for u which i do not want to happen. i don’t think you actually bother abt it or give it two thoughts. so ya shall keep things the way it has turned out. i’m hoping i’ll have a reason to add/drop the classes in the next few days but ha, i know when i’m dreaming.
30th dec 08! i hope u didn’t see it as me trying to avoid you. i just needed to get through the day. and if i take one step forward, u take two steps back. so i was just trying to hold my ground, at least the distance don’t become wider anymore. and then sch will reopen soon, and i don’t need or have the chance to go out with you. so we’ll slowly drift away, as a new semester starts and we make new friends, cope with work and all. but at least i have memories.
Memories! ever since my previous relationship, i treasure the finer things in life. i kept the two movie stubs we watched together. cool isn’t it! i’m quite proud of myself actually. to keep smth i always thought was stupid. well that’s wht guys do sometimes. be just plain dumb.
Alright and because of all the above, i found out too that money can never make me happy. yes my online stuff is turning a profit. i don’t worry about it like i did when i first started. it was a hellish period no doubt. credit card maxed out, bank account with just a few dollars, everything grinding to a halt and you’re losing money… ok for sure u don’t feel the stress and worry like before. but when you finally make money, you realise it won’t make you smile. you just slp better, feel better. being happy? not at all. tt doesn’t mean it’s useless. because i’m still working on it, trying to get more out of it and grow bigger. but i’m glad i learnt smth through this early. money does not buy happiness.
And so, why have this year been bad? can’t really think now. still about stuff related to the previous relationship. i think it’s more of i have nothing to be happy about. so it wasn’t a confession or whatever when i said knowing you was one of the best things that happened to me this year. hahahah. i do treasure friends alot and place them high on my priority list. i wrote the same thing to see wah, that knowing her was one of the bright sparks of 2008. i think a lot of my words are misinterpreted by ppl. sometimes i don’t bother to explain cause i’m just bo chap. for tt, i had no space to write! it was a small card u see :p
I’ve wrote down my new goals, new plans for the year like how i’ve always done. it’s ambitious, and you can never set your goal too high right, Peter? haha can still rmb tt conversation with you. so i have great ambitions for next year. will work towards it, let’s see how it goes.
I’m a uni student, why nothing about sch? cause i don’t believe in it. for all those who i snubbed when i feel you were becoming somewht of an ass when results were released, i’m not apologetic about it at all. you just got on my nerve. for the rest, my gpa is 3.5. yes low, slightly disappointed, but i don’t really care. it’s average to me and gd enough. just writing this column so that i’ll get through sem 2 in the same way too. great things happen when you think about it and write it down. goals will somehow come true. so i’m showing slight concern for it since the universe works this way. gpa for next sem, around 4. 
As for myself, i’m a naturally happy go lucky person. i know i’ve lost the smile and the happiness aura around me for a while now. i’m no longer excited about things, looking forward to events, sitting down and relax and ppl watch, doing some gardening, basically all the stuff i wrote down two years ago. my goals are all diminished, no more goal to take up a life guard course, learn french, spanish, jap, malay korean etc. in a way, i lost my direction and zest for life. well it was really the toughest time of my life. Well one day, i’ll retire and do what i’ve always wanted. just relaxing with my loved one, having my own garden in a mansion, sipping tea and just chilling out. not to mention touring the world. paris! still gets me excited..
To the rest of my friends out there. hope 2009 will be a gd year for u. or if it’s not, tt you may stay alive. wht doesn’t kill you make you stronger right? and you can never taste the sweetness of life if you’ve never been in the doldrums. just be like me. keep going on, one step, one day at a time no matter how painful it is. after all, time will pass and wounds will be healed. Happy New Year 2009 to all!
